May 15, 2012
Struggles of a student: End of First Year

Relatively speaking, it’s been a short year. Though it feels as though I’ve been in university for an eternity, this is really only because you kind of live and breathe it every day - if you live on campus or close to it - so it essentially feels like you’ve moved out and you’re out there in the world, not the real world but something that gives you what you like about it without many of the things you don’t like. 

After having a quick conversational argument with my mum this morning I realised how much things have changed for me here. What you may not understand is that I live in a very boring town, there is literally fuck all to do here, but I’ve become accustomed to a standard of living I can’t get at home (see previous post) and I feel as though maybe I have changed as a person. Granted this was an unexpected change but sometimes things sneak up on you and you become unsure of what once upon a time you were certain about, university has helped me see this. 

It’s been a real eye opener to see my own personal flaws which are many more than I had previously thought, but also things that make me who I am and not the prototype of someone society has made me. The essentials will always be retained within anyone through change, it’s just the things that many people never picked up on before are now emerging to even yourself which makes you realise there’s more to you, as well as everyone else, that meets the eye.
People take this for granted. As individuals we feel the need to criticise others but when criticising ourselves we only see the clichés like “I talk too much”, “I’m not the prettiest being on the planet” or “I’m a pussy”, or things to that effect at least, but we then overlook our bad tempers, how malleable we are when around certain types of people and how weak we actually are when it comes to having to sort our own shit out.

These may be life lessons that need to be learned, but it’s not something you can take light heartedly for sure. Personally this first year has taught me too much and I kind of wish it could end, but I’m also content with what I can now see. Adjustments need to be made in order for me to change some more next year, as the story goes, but it’s cool because I have summer for that, to mould myself into a better version of me today.

As I had a visitor my focus was cut short but he simply came in to confirm that everything I just said is pretty much true and that although you love parts of being at home it kind of feels a little restrictive.

All in all it’s been a good year and I’ve met some good people who I’ll actually miss I think, regardless of the cock ups, and it’s really been life changing in a way so I’m just waiting for more to come in the form of second year for now. Lord almighty, I will need help, but for the most part it’s enjoyable a chance for me to grow and I’ll definitely be older (I’ll be twenty by the time 2nd year commences) so hopefully somewhat wiser than this year… Here’s hoping anyway!